Most of us who have heard about Mother Teresa of Calcutta know her as the “living saint” ever since Time magazine put her on the cover with such a title. The name stuck and soon after she died in 1997, Pope John Paul II fast-tracked her canonization process so that she is now referred to as Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. Now the same Time magazine has published excerpts from “Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light” which is a collection of her private journals and letters that clearly depicts what St John of the Cross called a “dark night” of the soul, when one feels completely abandoned by God, that lasted for decades until the end of her life.

Blessed Teresa founded the Missionaries of Charity and was greatly engaged in ministering to the poorest of the poor when she confided to the archbishop of Calcutta “I find no words to express the depths of the darkness.” A couple of years later she wrote “in my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me — of God not being God — of God not existing.”

Eventually Mother Teresa was able to sublimate these dreadful doubts and began understanding the sense of total abandonment that Jesus must have experienced when he was crucified. This understanding allowed her to be faithful to her heroic ministry.

I myself believe in God mostly because I want to believe in an afterlife. I don’t want to think that nothing follows this brief earthly spell of ours. It is comforting to know that even our Saints who have laid their lives for others are sometimes wracked with uncertainty. What matters is whether we can make these doubts transform us into even more compassionate persons.

In 2005, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo was almost driven out of power when it was revealed that tapes existed of her conversation with one of only 5 election Commissioners, Virgilio “Garci” Garcillano during the 2004 Presidential Election. In the recording, Gloria’s voice is unmistakably caught participating in the following discussion:

GMA: Hello…
Gary: Hello, ma’am, good morning. OK ma’am, mas mataas ho siya (he is leading, referring to the votes for Fernando Poe Jr.) pero mag-compensate po sa Lanao yan (but it will be compensated in Lanao).
GMA: So, I will still lead by more than one, overall?
Gary: More or less. It’s the advantage ma’am. Parang ganun din ang lalabas (The outcome will be the same).
GA: It cannot be less than one M?
Gary: Pipiilitin ma’am natin yan. Pero as of the other day, 982. (We will try. But as of the other day, 982).
GMA: Kaya nga eh (That’s why) …
Gary: And then if we can get more in Lanao…
GMA: Hindi pa ba tapos (It’s not over yet)?
Gary: Hindi pa ho, meron pa hong darating na seven municipalities (Not yet, there will be returns from seven municipalities).
GMA: Ah OK, OK

GMA subsequently apologizes to the Filipino people for her “inappropriate” conduct but insists that the call did not matter anyway because she won by more than a million votes over her next rival. Since then, she has never failed to change the subject whenever the matter would surface, insisting that she has a country to run and peace to keep and so on and forth.

One major reason why I cast my lot as a candidate for the Senate was precisely to prove the inability of all our traditional politicians to search for the truth. I maintained throughout the campaign that what Arroyo did was without question a crime punishable by impeachment just as stoning was the prescribed penalty for adultery 2000 years ago. Only, just like before, who among our guardians could cast the first stone?

I have a personal stake in this issue. Together with 17 other candidates, I did not get a single vote in 22 voting centers in Maguindanao, an area in Mindanao that retained the henchmen of Garcillano. Cheating remains a sordid reality in our elections and it will continue to discourage people from participating in democratic processes and it will continue to disenfranchise citizens who do not have any access to the mighty powers available only to our traditional dynasties. The entire political structure is corrupted and so heavily stacked in favor of the Arroyos and the Zubiris it will take much more than retiring and reassigning a few fall guys. Our country needs peaceful revolutionary change starting from the top, nothing less.

Comes now Vidal Doble, a character with a name that le Carre could have invented. Doble is prepared to disclose how the wiretapping was perpetrated. Imagine how some people in the “intelligence” establishment in our country can listen with impunity to even the most confidential and perhaps criminal calls from the highest officials in our land?

But do our leaders want the truth to emerge? Immediately a cacophony of protestations erupted in the Senate chamber that sought to suppress the re-airing of the famous tape because we are patronizingly reminded about the criminal nature as well as the inadmissibility of a wiretap. Can we tell all these clowns that this method will not work any longer? This issue will not die just because our economy is booming and there is finally real peace in Mindanao and our educational system is First World and Philippine healthcare is the envy of the world. We need to know the truth. “Hello, Garci” needs to be reopened. Did Arroyo’s call to the Commissioner result in even one, illegitimate vote because if it did then we’ve had a pretender for President these last 3 years.

Gandhi’s Satyagraha is anchored upon the quest for truth thru sacrifice and active nonviolence. If we sincerely desire a country we can be proud of, a country that prizes justice and equality we need to be prepared to sacrifice. I don’t see the sacrifice coming from our traditionals any time soon. Once and for all, if we really want to find out what truly happened, we’ll have to do it ourselves.

I knew my kids were integrating well when my 6 year-old asked to be taken to the “CR”. The initials, to the uninformed belong to the words “comfort room”, a peculiarly Filipino terminology for the loo. I don’t know how this appellation came about but it does sound too literal, a trifle vulgar even for a place where bowel and bladder are emptied. The use of these initials is widespread. Ask for the “washroom” and you will be mostly met with quizzical looks.

Much like when you are placed on hold at the telephone and your patience is requested with the phrase “for a while”, another singular Filipino creation that is a literal translation of the Tagalog expression “sandali po lamang”.

I am not complaining. On the contrary, I am pleased that at an early age these kids are resourceful enough to adapt and blend with the rest of their countrymen.

The Gospel today contains one of my favorite quotes from Jesus: “I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing! There is a baptism with which I must be baptized, and how great is my anguish until it is accomplished! Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division.”

He saw it clearly so long ago that revolutionary change was going to hurt and divide and make people squirm. He wasn’t after compromise and he wasn’t about to bend to any special interests. His heart was burning with zeal to change the world that even then had become rotten and corrupt. Is it part of our human fate to relentlessly fight injustice and suffering? Maybe so but our true calling is to stay in the fight.

We have this tendency in our country to play nice and remain civil even to those who flagrantly disrespect the rights of other people. We are quick to forgive and we find it distasteful to mete out punishment. Take for example this Marcos crony who made a lot of money from commissions resulting in the construction of the Nuclear Plant that never produced a single watt of electricity. When Marcos got deposed, he fled to Austria and bought a title and a castle. He is now back and openly perambulates around the country with no shame whatsoever. His well paid lawyers are successfully cleaning his sordid record.

Considering millions of children received substandard education and became malnourished from the $2.8 billion we paid for this worthless nuclear plant, I don’t think it would be considered overreacting if we shaved this Count’s head and paraded him all over. We should collectively turn our backs against these individuals.

The day has come for division. It’s not whether you’re for Erap or for GMA. It’s whether we will allow immoral public officials to continue overstaying, career politicians with nothing but their self-serving motives. Should we continue to support this same cast of characters who proclaim themselves as our tribunes but who have utterly failed to unite our nation into fulfilling its glorious promise?

Tama na. Kung nais nating isulong ang laban ng Sambayanang Pilipinas ay handa dapat tayong lumaban at sumigaw at mag-wala sa lahat ng katarantaduhan at katiwaliang nagaganap sa ating Bayan.

Had to wait an hour to post this because we had a second “brownout” here in Bacolod. In all my time in the US, I don’t recall a single time when power was interrupted. When we lived in New York, our neighbors told us stories about the widespread chaos that resulted from a one day blackout that occurred in 1977.

Brownouts are commonplace here. Power surges too. Electronic appliances are severely put to the test. These inconveniences have their charming side too. We had frequent power interruptions while growing up in Quezon City and these were the times we had dinner by candlelight and we would be regaled with horror stories and we would hold “programs”, a wonderful bonding opportunity.

Now that the power’s back, everyone’s watching television and downloading songs into IPODs. The family hour just ended.